Monday, February 16, 2004

These are posts from the earlier blog. I lost the login to that blog.
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He was in his bed. It was around mid-night. He was'nt feeling sleepy, but did'nt wanted to stay awake either. He was praying for sleep as he wanted to sleep sound. If it had been any other day tommorrow, he would not have bothered much about sleep. He would have stayed awake, as long as he can, and watched television, or just spent time by reading novels, magazines or paper. He never bothered to get up early in the morning. Tommorrow morning also he did not wanted to get up early. But still today he was desperately trying to sleep, as tommorrow morning he had an examination, and he wanted to make sure that he had enough sleep, so that he would be fresh and energetic for examination.
He could see all the days he had spent till today. He could see how much preparation he had put into this examination. He wanted to scream out loud, and to tell everybody that he would be disappointing them, who have expectations from him, as he had not put enough efforts. He was consolidating his belief, that he has not prepared enough. And during past couple of days he had told others that he had not prepared anything. He wanted to make sure that tommorrow nobody would blame him, nobody would criticise him about his preparation. But internally he has a feeling that he had let down himself. He had failed in his efforts. He could not resist temptations offered by his lazyness, sporting activities, reading novels, spending time, poking into others matters etc during past months. All those moments he could clearly see now. They all seemed to have become alive suddenly and were enjoying teasing him. He wasn't worried of that either. But he was scared of the result. He was scared that tommorrow others would say that he can not write exams. He was scared, because his ego would be shattered, because somebody would go ahead, because result could jeopardise his future prospects, because he had a guilty feeling that he had not studied, because he could imagine himself as a rabbit in the race between rabbit and tortoise.
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He came home after the examination. He wasn't feeling gloomy. He was cheerful. He wanted to scream "I did it!! I did it!!". He had managed to write examination correctly. He was laughing about his yesterday's foolishness, yesterdays thoughts. He didn't had any fear now, and he was prepared for the results. He had just overcome his own loss of self confidence, overcome his fears, and now he was looking at the bright side of sun. The future seemed to smile endlessly. The future seemed to be in his grasp. The future was calling him. The future was calling him.

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You are the one who taught me to walk, instead of crawling. Stand on the feets and face the world.
You are the one who taught me to see the things differently. Differently so that i can make the difference.
You are the one who taught me to speak. Speak so that I can make my point.
You are the one who taught me to listen. Listen so that I can not underestimate others. Listen so that I can listen to others about there views. Listen so that I can not be partial about somebody. Listen so that anybody can speak with me, share his feelings.
You are the one who taught me to think. Think so that I can apply my experience from past, so that i can avoid problems in future and process my thoughts.
You are the one who taught me about feelings. Feelings, so that I can understand about others feelings. So that I can take care that i am not interfering others privacy. So that I can give due respects to others.
To you my parents, who took pain to bring me up, and making a future for me. Many times, i may have hurt you, but never said sorry. Many times, i might have troubled you, thinking it's all your fault. Many times, i may have caused inconvinience. I thank you for being by my side through all this time. Lots of love to you Mom, Dad.

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This time we had been to karwar. It's a small place near the Karnataka-Goa border. It's a nice place. The local people there speaks "konkani" language, very similar to marathi. So i was able to converse with them easily. Here in bangalore, since i don't know kannada, i cant understand anything whenever people speaks something. It feels nice, when you are in the region, where you can understand others language. You feel homely, secured, and you feel that you belonged to that place. Suddenly you start appreciating the place.
We went to a small island named "great islands", around 5 km's, in the arabian ocean. The tour operator was charging around Rs 200 for the trip. From the cost we thought, it not even two km's, so we sort of started bargaining with him. But he was adamant upon 200 rupees. Finally we agreed. I had never been on sea. I thought, the experience of the ride would be like normal pedal boat in lake. It was a small motor driven boat. The motor was not powerful, but enough to carry you at a speed of about 30-40 km's. We got into the boat, and set off to that 2km distant looking land. We were riding for around half an hour and still, the island was looking distant. Then we realised, the island was indeed distant. As the boat went deeper inside the sea, the speed started decreasing, because of opposition from waves. As we were getting deeper inside the sea, the boat started quivering. At first we ignored it. But later it was too much. We asked the boat driver about the depth of sea. He replied, don't worry sir, it's only fourty feet deep here, nothing will happen to you. I have heard that some people die even in five feet deep swimming pool, and this guy is calmly saying, it's only fourty feet deep here, and I don't even know how to swim. The ride was indeed thrilling. Finally we reached the island. The island was beautiful. There was a dolphin's point, from where you can see dolphines in the sea. It had a exotic beach. and a lovely landscape.
Next day we went to goa. In goa, we went to cancona. The beach was palolem. It's in south goa. The beach is less visited one, and hence clean. We rented a shack on the beach. We did surfing and enjoyed a lot. Next day we hired a bike, and travelled along the coastat side of the goa. The experience was indeed wonderful. Within every seven kilometers, there is a beautiful beach. One has to see goa atleast once in his lifetime.

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The alarm clock started ringing. It started ringing with a low volume and then kept on increasing it's volume. He was fast asleep. Probably he was dreaming, there was a pleasent smile on his face. He was imagining ringing bells in the dream. When alarm bacame heavy, he started rumbling, opened his eyes, and then came to know that the alarm was ringing instead of his imaginary ringing bells. He woke up..he was sleepy. The world was slowly coming into focus. He switched off the clock, yawned, washed his face and sat up for study. Soon after few minutes, he was dozing again. He tried changing positions, splashed water on his face, but could not help it. In an desperate attempt to drive away the sleep, he switched on the music system, spent some time wandering in his room. Again resumed his interrupted study. Slowly from the usual uncomfortable table and chair, he started drifting towards his comfortable bed. The bed, with the warmth of blanket and cushy pillows, looked inviting. The pleasent smile appeared on his face, similar to the one he had few time before, before the alarm clock was ringing.
He knew about the fate of next morning.

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Feeling very sleepy today, got up early.....
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ZZZZZzzzzzz......

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In a broader sense, we know how people behave, how they are, how they talk, how they mean things, are they joking, or are they taunting. Atleast about those who are close to us. Most of the times, we take things for granted. We think this guy, will always behave good to me. And if he is joking, still you want to believe that he is speaking truth. Or if this guy always critisizes you, even if he really praises you, you beleive that he is speaking phony. It hurts more, if somebody very close to you speak things, which you don't want to hear. Even though you yourself know that it is true, you get angry, if somebody else speaks about it.
Because we always look towards things through our own perception, there are many misconceptions about others. We should spend some time looking through others perspective and then try to judge them. Many times we speak about things, without even verifying them, without even bothering to see what others actually had intended. We jump to conclusions without even judging others. Now I know why speaking is considered as equivalent to shooting arrows.

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It all started, when sunil's friend came to visit our house few days ago for couple of months. We sort of welcomed him, provided necessary things. Since night is the only free time, that we can use, We spend time, watching television set, talking about how was our day, and things like that. You don;t need to start talking about any particular predetermined topic. It all occurs naturally. Since we didn;t had any spare bedroom, we arranged T.V. room for him to use. The problem started there. He is a early riser, and hence early sleeper. So we have to quit T.V. even before, we assemble to watch it. Now we almost talk daily about how we can view T.V. as usual, How we can stay awake late iin the night.?? The immediate solution is to move out him from the T.V room, but there is a problem, since he sleeps early, we can't put him together with others, And also, there is no other place where we can move T.V. It seems that most of the time, he is the center of our discussion for now. We start talking about anything, and unknowingly we always end up talking about him, no matter what we were talking about. Somehow we always take a U turn.

Sometimes we tend to forget things and try to remembering them again and again. Sometimes we remember things and still try to remember again and again. And Sometimes we remember things and we don't want to remember them again and again, but simply we don't forget them.

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It happened few months back, when we had just shifted to our new house. We were busy doing cleaning of the new house. All the arrangements we had to do. Finally when everything was okay, we were relaxing for some time. For the first time we had a T.V. in our house in bangalore. We called up the cable guy to fix up cable T.V. in our house. Initially he tried to struck conversation in kannada. We could not make head or tail of the conversation, so we tried English, Finally we setteled on hindi with which we are comfortable. He could understand basic elementary stuff in hindi. While laying off cable for the television, we asked him to leave some extra cable in our house, so incase we moved our television set around house we need not call him again. But he could not understand the intend correctly and started giving all sorts of reason, like the signal would not be clear, it will cause harm to the television set, and even moving of television will cause harm to others signal. Now being from electronics background, we were not ready to accept this argument. Finally after much fuss, we decided to let the things as he likes. In the irritation my friend said "yanna kahi kalat nahi, ani apalach shanpana dakhavat astat. Bilkul bindok astat he lok. Aata yala thodi vayar jasti thevayla sangitala tar yachya bapacha kai jata aahe", thinking that he does not know marathi, which is a rare sight here. He heard that and replied "Kai bolalas tu..?? Parat Bol.!!".

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HORRIFYING EXPERIENCE...
Last week, I had appointment at 7.00 p.m. I had reached early, and i was waiting there for an hour or so. Then I saw her, and smiled. She also saw me, and returned smile. It was the time for appointment. The egarly awaited appointment. For past few days I was looking forward for this moment, and now the time had come.

I sat there, after some friendly chat, I saw that she was holding some needles like knives. She asked me to keep my calm. I was getting scared. It seemed, that all the happiness was vanishing. She then started drilling into my body. Nobody was there to confront me. I was all alone, with her, and her knives. She again asked me to sit there calmly and again returned that big smile. After drilling for some time, she started stabbed me with those needles. Stabbed me many times. I wanted to run away. I was scared, I wanted to scream, I was sweating. But somehow I was transfixed there, could not run away, scream or show away my fear. She then covered the wound, and asked me to see her again next week for monitoring the progress of Just performed Root-Canal-Treatment.

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During the lunch hour today, we drifted to a conversation about the attitude of indian people. We Indians have too much care, sentiments about the things we possess. In fact we keep on buying newer and newer things, but we are reluctant to throw away the old ones. No matter we have a thing which was of no use. But still we will possess that for a long time, until our grandchildren or someone throw them away. My friend was saying they had a house, which ws built many decades before. The house was buit by his great-grandfather. The house was broken at places. Still they took a long debate, whether to destroy that house and construct a new one, or not. However old a thing is, we have some sort of sentiment attached to it. This was my first toy, first bike, first house or this was presented by my father, my grandparents etc.

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Finally back from the Ooty trip.. The Ooty trip was nice. We started from bangalore at around 11.00 p.m. by a taxi(quallis) and reached Ooty at around 7.00a.m.

The hotel was really nice(courtsey milind). It was indeed a grand hotel (Atleast our room was). The interior was completely wooden furnished. Looked as if it was constructed in the golden olden era. It had a small fire-place, and a couple of chairs to sit there. There were nice paintings hanging on the walls. The front porch had a small flower garden, which was maintained very well. Few chairs were kept there, just to relax and enjoy the pleasant morning sunrise with a beautiful mountain and the city view.

The day we spent in visiting botanical garden, Rose garden, Dodabetta, and the Ooty lake. The botanical garden is really a huge one, with wide variaty of plants. It was very well maintained, and was really clean. The plastic bags were banned at all the places in Ooty, and kunoor. Rose garden, as the name suggests, was full of different varieties of roses. Right from bright red to lily white, green to yellow and to blue. Dodabetta is the highest peak in the nilgiri mountain range. It is famous for the panoramic view it has to offer of the landscape, beautiful vistas of nilgiri hill ranges, and the dense forest.

The next day we started with a journey by mountain railway, which leaves from Ooty to Kunnoor. The complete railway track was surrounded by the scenic beauty of the nilgiri hills. In kunnor we saw tea garden's, dolphin's nose, suicide point, and law falls. I found kunnor to be a lot better place than the Ooty. The dolphin's nose and suicide point are really amazing. In contrast, the law falls turned out to be an dull affair. They say "roja" was shot completely in and around kunnor, while everyone belives it to be shot completely in the kashmir.

On the way back to bangalore, we saw some spots in madhumalai and pykara falls, which were filmed in "raja hindusthani", and mudumalai wild life sanctury. During our stay at ooty, we had a session of playing cards. The session was made lively by the sparkling jokes from sameer, ajit, milind, vishal and partly by me.

Tommorrow I have to undergo a root-canal-treatment.. boo-hoo-hoo. A complete contrast to the last week... I heard it causes too much of pain. Boo-hoo-hoo.

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Finally back from the Ooty trip.. Back again to the daily monotonous routine environment of the office. The work is good, But daily you come at some time, stay there, do something, and again back to home. No slightest change. Sometime I ask myself intermittently. "Why do we follow the same pattern daily.?" The answer seems be Just to acheive the so called "social" status. The status dependes upon how much do you earn..??, How much do you spend..??, How do you stay..??, How do you speak in the community.??. Well that's some of the obvious things, but it also comes down to, How do you express your anger..??, How do you smile..??, How so you walk..??, How do you talk..??, How often do you talk..??, What actually do you say..?? etc. People are more interested in knowing what other people do, than what actually they do. And the funny thing is that "How much you spend" is more social than "how much you earn".

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Ever Wonder..!!

Ever wondered about how do we blink..??
I tried once, Just to know about the time's when we blink.. I was just curious about to see myself blinking without deleberately attempting to blink. I wanted to be a witness to this automatic blinking process of our eyes. I found out that, when ever I tried to think about blinking.. The eye's stopped blinking at all. The mere thought of being concious about the presence of this blinking phenomenon of the eyes, makes eyes stop blinking. The moment you forget about being a witness to this blinking process, the blinking starts again.

This reminds me of an conversation i read somewhere.
An Ant asks centipede, how do you know, which feet now you need to pick up for walking ahead. The centipede replied, he does not need to decide about his feets, it just happens as it should be. The Ant leaves, being surprised at this explanation, but deos not comment anything, as she also knows, there could not be possibly any other explanation the centipede has to offer, or the centipede is not willing to disclose his secret. Tangled in his own legs, the centipede never walked after.

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